Over the past few months I have been on a journey of EXPRESSION.
I have also noticed in my clinic over the past few weeks a common theme in EXPRESSION. The difficulties in expressing your truth, the struggle in getting the words right, and all the fears of that go with self expression – judgement, failure, getting it wrong, rejection. Does this sound familiar?!
Perhaps it is related to this rare astrological period with the recent New Super Moon the Total Solar Eclipse and the Autumn Equinox which is all about your own personal uprising and letting go of what you no longer serves your highest good.
THE THROAT CHAKRA – IS ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION, SELF-EXPRESSION, EXPRESSION OF WILL, YOUR INNER VOICE, SPEAKING ONE’S TRUTH, CREATIVITY, SINCERITY, SOUND, SHARING AND CONNECTION.
Its funny how you attract your biggest challenges in life. If mine is the throat chakra – it’s a little ironic that my soul purpose has always been around communicating with others through counselling and now with Kinesiology. Just for fun, my favour colour is blue, and its also the colour that represents the Throat Chakra.
Do you know when you want to say something important? – it could be in a moment of intimacy or when giving advice to a friend, or when trying to explain something to your child. Maybe for you it happens when you are trying to stand your ground on a matter in something that you are truly passionate about to your boss, to a colleague or a partner.
FOR ME LATELY EXPRESSION HAS BEEN ABOUT WANTING TO SHARE A MESSAGE WITHIN MY COMMUNITY – MY BUSINESS, MY WEBSITE, A NEW PROJECT, A NEW IDEA.
But the old pattern of shutting down, of retreating to safer waters. The old pattern of hiding the authentic me has been creeping back in, my throat chakra is constricting but my inner voice is screaming louder to trust the inner wisdom of my body and don’t give up just yet.
If you are like me then you might freeze or lose brain integration, or do you just bottle it all up and avoid speaking up so that you don’t have to feel these emotions of judgement and unworthiness.
In Kinesiology this is an under energy or maybe the opposite happens and you just can’t stop talking this is what is referred to as an over energy. These states are out of balance. Whatever your moment of not speaking your truth is, it can lead to feelings disappointment, frustration, confusion, anger and gives a signal to the universe that you are continuing to creating a pattern of fear.
IT DOESN’T SEEM TO MATTER HOW EXCITED I AM, HOW WELL I HAVE PRACTICED MY SPEECH, OR WHOM I AM SPEAKING WITH. EVERY TIME ITS MY TURN TO SHINE, MY THROAT CONTRACTS, MY WORDS GET JUMBLED, MY VOICE SHAKES AND MY INNER CRITIC TAKES OVER.
Then there are all the physiological symptoms – anxiety expressed through a red rash around the neck area, shakey voice, repeat bouts of tonsillitis or just feeling sick to the stomach or dread at the thought of expressing your truth.
For those that know me, know I love a good challenge, so I have delved deep into my mind, body and spirit. I have shined a bright light on my throat chakra. I have listened to the whispers of my soul. I have learned.
Now I know where my fear of expression stems from – I remember the actually moment in childhood where my parents told me my colouring in picture was not good enough. Not only did they say it in front of me but in front of my brother that I idolised, and many of their friends. I know this seems insignificant, but this is a true example of how our inner child works and holds on to hurts. Our beliefs and value systems are formed between the ages of 0 – 7 years old.
This incident then started a story in my head that it was better not to put myself in the spotlight rather than fear rejection, failure or not being good enough. That if I just did what I was told and didn’t ask for too much, if I didn’t get noticed then I would be ok. I would survive. So this is what I did – I created and then played out the archetype of “plain Jane ordinary self” for the next almost 30 years.
I KNOW THIS FEAR IS LOCATED BETWEEN MY HEART AND THROAT. I KNOW WHAT THE FEAR LOOKS LIKE – IT’S A RAGING FIRE THAT SPREADS LIKE A WILDFLOWER FROM MY CHEST, TO MY FACE TO MY HANDS IN A BRIGHT RED RASH.
I know what the fear feels like – its suffocating, its so bloody hot that it causes my brain to melt so I can’t even remember what I want to say and my throat constrict so the words don’t want to come out.
So what happens is this event (colouring competition) happens once, we feel the emotions of (fear, rejection, failure – they are so painful that we then just bottle them up. Then our brains create a story of fear, and our mental body creates the story of fear and expresses it through our anxieties so that this process of dread, fear, speechless – etc happens again and again and again.
Eventually, we just stop, stop speaking our truth, stop taking the risk, stop putting ourselves out their. Each time we are repeating this pattern we are in fact disconnecting from our authentic self.
So again, I persisted in the challenge of EXPRESSION – this time I learned how to transform it.
During a guided meditation session I discovered that the Wolf is my way of combining the light and shadow aspects of myself to find the power in my vulnerabilities. The power of the wolf brings forth instinct, intelligence, appetite for freedom, and awareness of the importance of social connections. This animal can also symbolize fear of being threatened and lack of trust.
I have been sending messages to the universe that I am ready to let go of this old belief that I am not smart enough, knowledgeable enough and am so so ready to let go of the dread and fear of being truly seen.
I have launched my business and now my website. I have attended network meetings, I have been advertising in magazines and on community groups. I am part of a Visionary Business Mastermind group. And I have made a commitment to myself that each and everyday I chose to express a little bit more of myself and my truth.
I have so many ideas, so many things I want to do and achieve, they all require me to express my truth and speaking them into action.
I’m so so READY to transcend this old belief. My desire to use my voice and express my truth is burning more brightly at the moment than the need to hide and suppress my words. I am finally ready to let go of the fear, struggle, and emotional memories. I am ready to share my compassion, passion and wisdom with YOU!!
MY FIRST LITTLE BIT OF WISDOM IS HOWEVER YOU CHOOSE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF, COME FROM A SPACE OF AUTHENTICITY. BE CREATIVE, PASSIONATE AND TRUST YOUR INNER KNOWING. GET GROUNDED, RECONNECT TO YOURSELF AND YOUR PURPOSE. FIND YOUR CLARITY WITHIN, CONNECT TO YOUR HEART THEN LET GO AND TRUST.
In saying that watch this space for new and exciting developments including a, local community women’s circle, workshops, and blogs all being revealed soon in their perfect timing.